One of the most original salesmen I have seen on the trains of Buenos Aires was a mature gentleman that evidently didn't like to talk a lot. He would say the bare minimum about the products he was offering, and his voice had a tone that would make you feel uncomfortable, because it sounded very tense, like he was about to go on a rampage at any moment. The product he was known the most for was a very cheap version of the Victorinox Swiss Army multipurpose knife. His sales pitch had some visual and audio effects, and -as I said- very few words. He would hop on, stand at the front of that train car and vigorously hit the knife against the metallic poles making a lot of noise, even for a moving train.
- CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!
Once he had attracted everyone's attention, he would just say:
- Ladies and gentlemen, the 'MacGyver'!
That TV show was very popular back then, and the main character would use one of those for his very ingenious contraptions. After saying that, this gentleman would just walk to the other end of the train car, without saying anything else (or just repeating the same sentence). And he would sell some nonetheless!!!
Every time I saw him would be the same method, until one day I was on a different train (me and my friend Roberto had taken the wrong train after a long choir rehearsal!). The same guy walked in, 'MacGyvers' in hand, but his expression changed the moment he stood in front of the crowd.
Visibly angry, he proceeded to do an extended version of his 'MacGyver' speech, but making strange comments like 'very useful for your home, unless you're a selfish b*tch' or 'it should be in every gentleman's pocket and every lady's purse, but not if you are a horrible mother'. Me and Roberto were looking at each other, feeling very uncomfortable because it looked like the salesman was looking in our direction!
Would you believe that sitting right behind us was a lady who had obviously had some kind of personal relationship with the poor salesman... and she wasn't alone? The moment he walked past us, chaos ensued. They started to argue in a very loud voice, making all kinds of accusations to each other. The lady's companion intervened as well, and they were really close from getting into a fistfight!
The train then stopped (at San Andrés station, I remember that) and all three of them got off, only to continue arguing on the platform.
Me and Roberto watched them go at it as the train left, and only then we started to try to figure out where to get off so we could find our way home.
I'm pretty sure that this gentleman didn't sell a lot of 'MacGyvers' that night.
El producto por el que más se lo conocía era una versión barata del cortaplumas multipropósito de Victorinox. Su discurso de ventas abundaba en elementos visuales y auditivos pero -como dije- no en palabras. Se subía al tren, se paraba en una punta del vagón, y desde allí golpeaba el cortaplumas vigorosamente contra los caños, haciendo flor de ruido.
- CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!
Una vez que había atraído la atención de todos, se limitaba a decir:
- Señores, la 'MacGyver'!
Ese programa de TV era bastante popular por entonces, y el protagonista siempre armaba dispositivos usando lo que encontraba... Luego de anunciar su producto de esa manera, el vendedor se limitaba a recorrer el vagón sin decir nada más (o a lo sumo repitiendo el 'Señores, la 'MacGyver''). Y así y todo hacía ventas!!!
Cada vez que lo veía era la misma historia, hasta que una vez me lo encontré en una de línea de trenes distinta (que mi amigo Roberto y yo habíamos tomado por error luego de un ensayo de coro!). El hombre subió, con los 'MacGyvers' en la mano, pero su expresión se ensombreció desde el momento en que se paró delante de su público.
Visiblemente enojado, esta vez hizo una versión extendida de su discurso 'MacGyver', pero haciendo comentarios extraños, del tipo 'muy útil para su casa, a menos que usted sea una perra egoísta' o 'para la cartera de la dama y el bolsillo del caballero, pero no para las malas madres'. Roberto y yo nos mirábamos el uno al otro, sintiéndonos muy incómodos porque el hombre estaba mirando en nuestra dirección!
Pueden creer que justo detrás de nosotros estaba sentada una señora con la cual este buen hombre había tenido una relación... y no estaba sola? Ni bien el vendedor pasó por delante de nosotros, 'se armó'. Empezaron a discutir en voz muy alta, haciéndose toda clase de acusaciones cruzadas. El compañero de la señora intervino también y por poco no terminaron a las trompadas!
El tren paró en la estación (San Andrés, recuerdo que fue) y los tres se bajaron, para seguir discutiendo en el andén.
Roberto y yo los continuamos observando mientras el tren se iba, y sólo después de que los perdimos de vista nos preocupamos en ver cómo demonios hacer para ir para el lado de casa.
Estoy seguro de que este hombre no vendió muchos 'MacGyvers' esa noche...
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